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This week I have caved on my healthy regime and eaten terribly :( chocolate, hot chocolate, chai lattes, pizza, chips, cheese, you name it! I normally have bran flakes for breakfast but today I had two crumpets :/

I think it's because i've eaten well for so long and not allowed myself anything bad i've ended up really craving calories and junk, because i've had no real cheat days. I've also noticed that since i've been back at uni I have been starving all the time! I've definitely been eating more, even if it's just a nice latte on a cold morning but it all adds up. I need to be stricter with myself because I was really starting to see progress. 

I think also i've been feeling stressed since I started back at uni and it's really tempting to comfort eat. I keep feeling gloomy then thinking, ooh i'll go to the cupboard and see what's in it. I'm not snacking per se, but just consuming more calories. 

Apart from eating badly, i've just been working hard at uni. I got this book off eBay for £40 when it should be £60 so quite pleased about that, now I just have to read it all cause it's essential to my dissertation. Academic books are so pricey, all the ones I really want to buy are between £60 and £80!!

I still don't know if I OFFICIALLY have the job at the Bridal Boutique but I went the other day and met the girls and I've got my first full shift on Saturday...how exciting! I've been looking for clothes for the new job but I can't decide what's best. I tried on a nice jersey black skirt to team with a blouse the other day but I felt like it accentuated my stomach fat so I didn't purchase it :( it was only £16 so maybe I should just buy it as a stand in for now! I did buy this dress though, which I am so happy about because I wanted it last season and it sold out everywhere so I grabbed it ASAP!

It's a really nice flattering fit and also really generous so I bought a size 10 and it fits perfect, which is always a nice boost for the self esteem haha! There's a few on the Topshop website in different colours like ice blue and burgundy. They had one in forest green but it sold out so i'm waiting for it to come back in stock before I pounce! Aha!!

I feel really restless at the moment, I think i've got quite a lot of latent anger. I don't know why really I just feel frustrated. Maybe it's because I am fat, or because I'm still waiting to become a teacher when I just want to be one now. Maybe it's because I just want to get on with my life and start settling down and it seems like everyone and everything is against me. Everything seems so far away, and I can't enjoy the here and now because the things that make me happy aren't achievable like that. That's why, I think, I went so crazy with shopping and buying and stuff over the last few years because I feel unsatisfied and I was trying to convince myself I could be happy with material things. I'm so unhappy with material things!! They don't give you anything back!

Anyway think i'm gonna dedicate another post to said latent anger to try and thrash my feelings out on the page. Hopefully it will help! I'm kind of sick of the whole cute blog thing, all the blogs I see are cool/cute people talking about food and fashion and which beauty products go with oily skin blah blah it's not my thing! I don't really use beauty products apart from the makeup I wear and don't change, and I don't buy really many clothes any more so can't talk about that! I feel really inadequate because all my posts are like half bakes entries about a random dress I got off eBay or what I ate when I went a local restaurant. Hardly riveting stuff.

But it's not the fashionable thing, or so it seems, to blog about sex or politics or current issues, it's all wistful images of victoria sponges etc! As much as I love the food stuff, which i'm not gonna stop, I think i'm going to take this blog off facebook so I can start talking about things that mean something to me/piss me off/make me tic without offending anyone, or it getting back to anyone else.